AN ARTIST ON AGE
Artist and storyteller Martha Ruiz-Perilla shares her thoughts on the aesthetics of evolution: how a creative mind observes the body throughout decades.
LOVE LETTERS: DO YOU FEEL THAT YOUR POINT OF VIEW AS AN ARTIST AFFECTS YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON BEAUTY?
Martha Ruiz-Perilla: Twenty-five years ago, when I began to paint, I used to do it without wearing my glasses, so that all forms on the canvas would become blurry and only color would be perceptible to my eye. At school, I took a color and composition class in which my teacher suggested I take my glasses off and arrange the elements on my canvas only by thinking about color and what pleased my defective eyes. He asked me to forget about line and to let my eye instinctively play with color and space, trusting my brain in guiding me toward beauty and balance. I learned to look for overall beauty in the subjects of my work, without stopping to judge every detail. This, I’ve learned, is often a better way to look at myself and the world in general.
WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT AGING?
Our minds and bodies age at such different speeds that, most often, it is the result of this disparity that shocks us, rather than the actual effect that aging has on us. In my twenties, when my youthful body served me as a surface to experiment with and learn about beauty, my hair, my skin, my choice of makeup, clothing and jewelry, were a means to investigate what beauty meant for me. It was on my body that I tested my compositional abilities before bringing them to my canvas. A young body and mind are exactly that: white canvases that can be primed and printed with anything that expresses how we feel. In my early thirties, I began to look at my body and my character more introspectively. At the time, I studied art history and learned about the concept of “the sublime” in art. In my work, I became preoccupied with representing feelings of sadness, fear, anxiety, and loss through the brightness of earth-like colors. My life experience had taken turns at the time that allowed me to relate personally to these emotions, so I created an even wider palette that enabled me to represent colorfully what was, by principle, unpleasant. Masking the chaotic essence of anxiety in an envelope of color that conveyed beauty, became my specialty.
In my late thirties, I traveled often and far from home and became interested in how communication affected our perception of people. I decided to focus on online human communication and became aware of the many tactics, filters, and tricks that we all use to create a more youthful and attractive on-screen persona for others. My representations of these online interactions were perceived as cheerful painted portraits of people reaching out to others, but, in reality, they were depictions of the loneliness, alienation, and longing for human contact that the digital era had brought upon us.
Now, in my forties, I’ve become a mother, and this change in lifestyle has put to test my mental, emotional, and physical abilities. The time which I used to dedicate to my beauty routines is much more limited, as is the time I have to ponder about the changes that occur on a daily basis to my body. I have had to go back and learn to search for beauty in my essence. Today, I equate Beauty with Strength. I feel more beautiful when I face a challenge or overcome an obstacle, and this territory of motherhood is mined with them. My daily life demands constant intuition, presence of mind, and unwavering resilience and patience. It is in the harmonious coexistence of all of these qualities from which strength emerges, and within that strength lies beauty.
HOW DO YOU USE COLOR TO EXPRESS YOUR PERSONAL STYLE?
My color palette has changed. I think it happens to all of us. We re-fabricate our ideas of beauty as we age and live our lives. Nowadays, my children’s perception of color and their capacity to identify it in the dullest of objects have reminded me that my creative eye needs a fresh start. One of the most important changes I have made, personally, is the way I present myself to the world; I began to dress almost exclusively in black. Simplifying the expression of color on my own persona (black by definition is the absolute absence of color), allows me to examine my children’s interpretation of light. I’ve become the daily observer of their creative process and find myself intrigued by their naïve notion of balance. They are now the color protagonists in the monochromatic backdrop that I provide. In painting, taking a step back and highlighting a few elements of the composition is a frequently used tool to reach a state of balance.
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER MOST BEAUTIFUL ABOUT YOURSELF?
When I was younger I thought of my lips as my most attractive feature. But now, all that is less important to me. I am much more focused on staying strong. So, when I am fighting to save my dog’s life from cancer, I feel strong and that makes me feel beautiful. When my kids or my husband don’t feel well and I take care of them, they make me feel beautiful in my strength. Children—and people who love you, in general—have a way of seeing through your cover, past your messy hair, your (lack of) makeup, and your clothes. In my case, they also teach me not to be prejudiced against people who are not strong, because weakness can often eclipse valuable qualities in a person such as generosity, prudence, intelligence, and kindness. To me, that’s very hard; I am still learning to find beauty in ways and places that my younger self was unable to.
Martha’s story “Opposing Forces” can be downloaded from The Moth website or their podcast on iTunes.